INTRODUCTION

 

Part of my reasons for giving this issue a lot of attention is because there seems to be an illusion amongst those who follow a Spiritual Path that one who likewise purports to be in touch with God, the Spirit, the Universal (choose your own description) should have no need of Counselling. 

 

Indeed, I have heard this attitude from:

 

·        A Christadelphian – In personal correspondence

·        A Third Degree Wiccan Priest

·        Stuart Wilde – He stated that a woman subjected to Domestic Violence should simply ‘walk away,’ as if she were otherwise choosing such a negative life.

·        A friend believes that a person who joins a cult ‘chooses’ to become enmeshed in that cult.

·        A past client was ‘locked’ into her problems due to both ‘past lives’ issues and ‘Karma’

·        A friend who believes we are where we are to do having to work off either negative ‘Karma’ or due to reaping positive ‘Karma.’

 

On the other side of the coin, I have heard:

 

·        A woman not feeling able to express her religious feelings

·        A psychologist who ignores that one’s Spiritual Beliefs has some bearing in therapeutic outcomes

·        A friend who believes the “religion” is what causes a person to have problems

·        Another professional who feels that one’s Spiritual Beliefs have no place in the counseling process; they only get in the way

 

As more and more clients present with issues impacting on their mental health and well-being, it is becoming increasingly important that counsellors take into account the Spiritual and/or Religious needs of the client.  This can be achieved by undertaking to do a ‘Spiritual Needs Assessment’ Profile, listening to what a client may be saying though maybe in a veiled fashion, or by exploring with the client about their needs. The use of open-ended questions is a good way to begin this exploration. Likewise, those who adhere to any form of a Spiritual Path or Belief System need to realize that counseling does have its place in the life of a believer.

 

Although my talk may seem directed at counsellors themselves, the information presented here today, can be transferred to others outside of the profession. To assist this, I will discuss some definitions concerning the term, ‘Spirituality,’ and seek to address the issue of Spirituality in as far as it pertains to the counseling process.  In researching this issue, I have drawn on a number of texts, both professional, and non-professional.  Other texts consulted, though not standard, help to highlight the relevant arguments presented.

 

My talk shall address the need for counsellor awareness of a client’s spiritual outlook, the need for counsellors to respect the right of their clients to follow a spiritual path, and to increase their skills as counsellors to incorporate the three core skills of Genuineness, Unconditional Positive Regard and Empathy when dealing with clients – as found in the Person-Centred approach.  A number of questions are put forward merely to assist in facilitating our own awareness of this issue.

 

I trust that after a Counsellor or a Believer has given deeper thought to these issues, that they will have a deeper appreciation for the need to include an assessment of client spirituality.  Apart from looking at some possible real-life situations and suggestions for appropriate use of interventions,  attached is a Bibliography for those interested in researching the issue more thoroughly.

 

 

SPIRITUALITY AND ITS PLACE IN COUNSELLING

 

A Believer is identified as a person who follows one of the major religions:- Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Shinto, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. My definition also includes those who follow the Pagan Path (such as Wicca and Druidism), Theosophy, Psychism (those who attend Mediumistic Circles, Psychic Readings etc).  I also include variants such as those found within Christianity – Christadelphians, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons etc.

 

Given its broad scope, it may prove beneficial if we attempt to define what is meant by the term “Spirituality.”   There are a number of definitions that all have their place and yet, collectively, when read together,  add to each other  and disclose a far deeper layer than if simply taken in isolation.  A literature review reveals the following:

 

“Spirituality…is not simply the opposite of materialism. Far from it. Spirituality is an active process that is inherently purposeful. Its objectives are growth, development, and transcendence. Through our spirituality, we seek to achieve the highest and noblest in ourselves and to create a united and ever-advancing civilization…It follows that a spiritual lifestyle calls for a major review of our thinking about our life experiences and perspectives”  (Danesh, 1994)

 

An individual’s concept of spirituality in relation to oneself is a matter of deeply going within and “finding” their place in the world. It is an active process of discovery, not a passive or neutral act of simply “accepting” that is placed on us by outside influences. Often we listen to what others are telling us and can incur problems as we bury our own authenticity so as to be accepted by our peers.  

 

Another definition reads:

 

“We shall consider ‘the spiritual’ as pertaining to man’s inner resources, especially his ultimate concern, the basic values around which all other values are focused, the central philosophy of life…which guides a person’s conduct, the supernatural and non-material dimensions of human nature. We shall assume, therefore, that all men are ‘spiritual’ even if they…practice no personal pieties.” (Topper, 2003,  italics are my own) – Naturally this includes women in its definition.

 

Here again we have a broader definition that assumes a reality of being called ‘spiritual’ yet not necessarily limited to any one particular faith, -osophy or –ism. Rather, it tries to be broad in its perspective and embraces the concept of values as a guiding principle of how we each conduct ourselves.   From The Ramakrishna Order of India: “We all want our life to have some meaning, some direction, some self-evolved authority for guidance. Values give us all this, so it would be foolish to close our eyes to them.” (Vedanta Kesari, 1996).  

 

Gerald Corey, a leading and respected counsellor (2001) points out to that whilst some clients may embrace a spirituality in the context of a formal religion, others may embrace same yet without recourse to formal religion. It shows the importance that we need to be alert, as counsellors, to the difference between Spirituality and Religion, and the nuances contained within each.  It has been advocated that people fall into one of four categories (Hepworth, Rooney and Larsen 2002) 

 

1.                  Spiritual and nonreligious     Not a member of an organized faith or group

2.                  Religious and dispirited                   A Member of an organized faith but lacking spirit

3.                  Dispirited and nonreligious  An agnostic or atheist can fit here, or a nonbeliever

4.                  Spiritual and religious                      In tune with God and a member of a formal group

 

 

Finally, an even broader definition can be seen in the following as addressed by the Summit on Spirituality:

 

“Spirituality may be defined as a capacity and tendency that is innate and unique to all persons. This spiritual tendency moves the individual toward knowledge, love, meaning, hope, transcendence, connectedness, and compassion.  Spirituality includes one’s capacity for creativity, growth, and the development of a values system.  Spirituality encompasses the religious, spiritual, and transpersonal” (cited in Corey, Corey and Callanan, 1998)

 

From the foregoing, we have a fairly wide scope in which to work by.

 

Within the fields of counseling it is becoming increasingly acknowledged that by addressing a clients’ spiritual and religious needs, we will assist them to be able to move towards growth and healing. By exploring such issues with our clients in relation to their presenting problems, they may be assisted in finding solutions to their struggles (Corey, Corey and Callanan, 1998). Evidence for the interest that spirituality and religion plays in a clients life can be found in the increased number of articles in this area in professional journals and in presentations at professional conferences. (Corey, 2001). The American Psychiatric Association added the term religious or spiritual problem to its diagnostic manual in 1994 to describe: “examples include[ing] distressing experiences that involve loss or questioning of faith, problems associated with conversion to a new faith, or questioning of spiritual values that may not be related to an organized church or religious institution.” (Topper, 2003 DSM-IV)

 

Why then is it important to understand the role of religion and spirituality in a clients life? One author, Ratliff (1996) in discussing health care settings, informs us that:

 

“Religious beliefs may dictate food choices, clothing styles, customs of birthing and dying, etiquette in the sick room, use of modern conveniences, invasive procedures, organ donation, reception, use of blood products, certain diagnostic tests, gynecological procedures, spiritual influences on or control of sickness and healing, the wearing of protective devices or tattoos, and the need for prayers and rituals performed by various religious specialists” (cited in Hepworth, Rooney and Larsen, 2002)

 

It can be understood why we need to develop awareness of, and respect for, a clients view of their spirituality and their adherence to religion and what this means to them.  It is important never to assume what a client believes simply based on our own understanding of what spiritual or religious path they may identify with.   For example, if a Christian man is struggling with issues surrounding his sexuality (for example, being gay), he may present with feelings of confusion, guilt[1] and/or shame[2].  These may be due to how he perceives the teachings of his Church, the Bible, and his own concept of spirituality.   He may say that if he acted on his feelings of attraction to another man, that he will be barred from the Kingdom of God or, even more frightening, shall burn for an eternity in hell (yes, there are numerous groups who still teach this). I feel some of the so-called “Christian” attitudes regarding “healing” gay people to do more harm than good. For example, that a gay man is under the influence of Sin or deep-seated issues relating to emotional hurt, which may be true, in some cases (Dalbey 2003), whereas other Christian authors are at least addressing it in a more “positive” way yet remaining true as to how they see the word of God (Attridge, 2000).

 

Counsellors, as such, have an ethical responsibility to become aware of their own beliefs and how these affect their work with their clients (Corey, 2001, Geldard, 2003), the client’s story should be heard without any judgment.    

By being able to go with the client’s “frame of reference,” and empathically listening to what is behind his words, he will be placed in a better position to be therapeutically dealt with.  As a counselor, I believe a Person-centered approach is required here.

 

To downplay a client’s beliefs and associated fears as somehow being “too out there” or “too abstract” in no way validates the client’s worldview – with the possibility that he or she may abandon therapy, remaining “stuck” in their conflict. I would imagine that this would create further turmoil for them or even worse. As we take on the task of counseling, our own beliefs and values will be challenged as we listen to our clients and the stories that they share with us – we need to guard against being too directive with our clients (Corey, 2001) which can be extremely difficult if we do not challenge our own assumptions. 

 

Alas, many people who may be strong in their own particular Spiritual or Religious Path, tend to add to this by judging the person who may seek professional assistance. As such, what has been said of counsellors is also true for the non-professional.  I will return to this theme later.

 

For Counsellors to overcome such hurdles, we are consistently taught to adhere to three core concepts:- Genuineness, Acceptance (Unconditional Positive Regard)  and Empathy (Sharf, 2000) as found in Person-Centred Therapy, and other allied therapies.  Again, we are taught that: “The key is for counselors to be sensitive to the needs of their clients, to listen to them and let them lead the way, and to talk about areas they indicate they want or need to explore.” (Corey, Corey, and Callanan, 2001).    In the case of our Christian man above, we should simply let him talk and tell us about what it means for him to be kept from the Kingdom of God,  to allow him to talk as he sees his problems not as we may see them (that is, how we may perceive homosexuality in a Christian or spiritual context). We may be liberal in our own beliefs yet the client’s more orthodox views are what need to be dealt with. Conversely, we may ourself be orthodox; the client perceived as too liberal. One quick example, we may hold strong bible-based views and find it hard to accept that one who follows the path of Wicca (or Witchcraft) does not have problems that cannot be found to have its genesis in them being under the influence of Satan.  When I was myself 19, a Minister of my Church, as too a visiting Minister who dealt with Demon Possession, prayed over me and tried what I think could be loosely termed ‘an Exorcism,’ believing that I was myself possessed. This was an extremely frightening experience but, luckily, my own Inner Voice (the God and Goddess) protected me and got me away from that Church quick-fast.

 

As we can ascertain, by exploring with a client about how they view life in a Spiritual and/or Religious context, it is this that will assist the counseling process tremendously.  We should always keep in mind that:  “Religious beliefs strongly influence when, how and why persons seek help for emotional dysfunction, and how others [ie. Counsellors] perceive their [clients] symptoms of emotional distress’ (Wilson and Kneisl, 1983)

 

By way of an example, a young Jewish man may be perceived as paranoid if he frequently were to open a female counsellor’s door yet, upon investigation we learn that his religion admonishes against his being alone behind closed doors with a woman who is not a family member (Hankoff, Blumenthal and Borowick, 1977).  This could work the opposite way where a similar though less orthodox client may feel too exposed to disclose certain issues to the counsellor if she were to leave her door ajar on the assumption of this same Jewish admonition is applicable to all Jewish male clients; that all Jewish male clients would accept it.

 

On way to obtain a lucid understanding of our clients spiritual needs is to perform a “Spiritual Assessment of Needs” profile when first meeting the client.  This shall assist the counsellor to gain a deeper awareness of the client’s needs, helping the client feel at ease in talking about their respective spiritual beliefs.    Another factor to consider is that counsellors try not to see a client’s needs only linked to a psychological basis – such as low self-esteem, anger, loss or frustration. 

As people, we have the four aspects of Physical, Psychological or Cognitive, Emotional and Spiritual – each with its own independent, yet interdependent needs. Maslow’s ‘Hierarchy of Needs’ fits in well here (Diamond, 1994) Refer to Chart A

 

We all have spiritual needs such as for meaning, for hope, and for deeper connections in life and beyond.  Indeed, one’s spiritual needs are a deeper perspective of and/or completion of psychological needs.  (Topper, 2003).   Likewise, the spiritual contains a psychological need and neither should exclude the other. All of one’s needs are required to be viewed holistically

 

One author describes what he calls Counterfeit Recovery (Means, 2002) where a person is treated only as a spiritual being, not one who possesses other aspects such as physical, psychological and emotional needs.  He explains that “one dimensional recovery only drives the pain underground where it will later break out in some other form.”   Telling a client who may present with a problem such as guilt, to simply remember, and rely upon, a set of Scriptural injunctions, will not magically solve their problem.  It may certainly offer some form of comfort or respite but other interventions need to be concurrently in place, as too an exploration of the clients cognition and affect surrounding the issue of guilt. He further adds that: “Many secular psychologists have their own version of one-dimensional recovery, because they leave God entirely out of the healing equation.”

 

Again, this can also apply to Believers who believe that to seek outside help is akin to weakness, a lack of faith in God, not appreciating ‘past life’ experiences or Karmic influences that are simply being ‘played out.’    

 

Let us imagine that a client has a need for connecting to a group of like-minded individuals. The psychological need might consist of the fulfillment of issues pertaining to self-esteem or a feeling of ‘belonging.’ 

 

The spiritual need: To find purpose in one’s life via connecting with others who share the same outlook, the same hopes and dreams.  I follow Paganism as a spiritual path for it helps me – as an individual – to make sense of the world; it adds meaning to my life and to the life around me.  Without this ‘meaning,’ I would question the purpose of life and yet to no avail – without finding a ‘meaning;’ a purpose, I feel life would lack that something for which I get up for each day. Finding the Spiritual meaning supplies my psychological and emotional needs for peace, inner strength and understanding of the ‘purpose’ of life per se. It also motivates me to action when desiring change – both internally and in the Outer world.

 

If a counsellor seeks to specialize in a given ‘Spiritual’ or ‘Religious’ path, such as Christian Counselling, then they need to be aware of how they deal with their clients.  One example would be the appropriate use and timing when employing scripture to assist in healing (Cloud and Townsend, 2003). If a client were to present with distress concerning a pending divorce from an estranged partner – so as to remarry – yet concurrently feels “condemned” by the Bible, it would be remiss of the Christian Counsellor to say to her: “Well the Bible clearly teaches that divorce is wrong – let us turn to the book of Romans 7:2-3…[3]”   Such would invalidate her feelings and simply add to her original distress.  Here inappropriate use of scripture could lead to her experiencing deeper guilt, grief and loss issues, and anger at God for creating this scenario in her life. She might turn from her faith yet hanker for the loss of her faith, for her ‘meaning’ in life.

 

A more appropriate and timely response to her might be, “It sounds like it’s really difficult for you to reconcile your wanting to remarry with what the Bible is saying to you.  Remember the words of Jesus from Matthew 11:28 when he says to you: ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.’    Such a response would certainly allow a different view for our client and offer her an avenue of hope as opposed to predetermined despair. 

 

It allows her to be able to open another ‘window of opportunity” that might otherwise have remained shut (if not hidden).  Here the appropriate use of scripture can be validating and, given that it is uplifting – for we have passed no judgment on her – it should add to the healing process. However, an even better approach would be to ask her if there are any bible verses that she may particularly relate to so as to gain inner peace why exploring the deeper counseling issues.

 

For men, more so, it is important for the Christian counsellor allow their client the opportunity to explore their wounds, not simply to seek for more strength via exhortation and admonition. (Koepcke and James Wilder, 1994)  As already mentioned, using alternative Scriptures to instill hope can generate new awareness and healing. Allowing men to speak up is extremely validating and can generate a whole new emotional awareness which, often hidden, will free men from their pain. (Means, 2002; Diamond, 1994)  By appropriate and timely use of scripture the counsellor may bring to awareness that which was previously hidden. Again, this can relate to any believer, of whatever Faith or Spiritual Path they may follow.

 

It is a bit akin to the Johari Awareness Model which, though used to represent the total person in relation to other people (Wilson and Kneisl, 1983), can be made to include an individual’s awareness of hidden thoughts – Quadrant 4: The Unknown.     Chart B.

 

For others of different spiritual persuasions, a more eclectic ‘Spiritual and/or Religious’ outlook may need to be employed.  For instance, often men who are starting out on the Pagan path tend to have difficulties relating to the God of Paganism and WICCA (Conway; 1997, Drew, 1998) for they may equate the word ‘God’ with the concept of a ‘Patriarchal Judgmental God’ as often taught in various religions.  These men may feel alone as they have lost the ‘God’ of their family-of-origin faith, and finding it difficult to get over this hurdle, they can find it difficult to then embrace such a God as a Creator of Life – yet the Pagan God is many things: a creator, a protector of animals, a joker, a god of judgment (Drew, 1998).  By not embracing the Pagan God, these men can feel lonely, dejected, and that there is no Male Deity with which they can turn to and model Him in love.  As such, male pagans often turn to the Goddess as a Mother figure – but we men need a Father figure too.  As the pagan author D.J. Conway succinctly puts it, “In spiritual terms, we create a spiritual path through the combination of our personal masculine and feminine energies.”  (Conway, 1997)  Both the Lord and His Lady need to be engaged so that the attributes of both become a part of who we are.

 

Personally, it was difficult for me to embrace the God of the Pagan ways as I had been brought up in a predominantly ‘Christian’ society and family – with all the attendant teachings about what I would incur if I were to deny the God of the Bible.    Yet for me, as I have journeyed through the Pagan path, I have definitely become far more accepting of myself as a ‘Man’ – by learning more about the myths surrounding the Pagan God (Conway, 1997, Drew, 1998,  Farrar, 1984), I have been able to slowly identify with His ways. His tales and mythic ways have taught me about issues relating to strength, courage, compassion, healing, acceptance, discernment, to walk in peace, to respect All Life as gifts from the gods.

  

When a professional counsellor can respect my right as a client to both choose and then follow my own Path – not view it as “out there” or “that’s far too abstract” – then naturally this quality causes me to disclose more deeply than what may have been my original intent.  When the professional counsellor truly listens, only then can deep healing begin to be instigated.

 

Counsellors need to be as respectful to a Pagan’s (or others) concerns when dealing with any the person’s presently problem/s. Sadly, there is often confusion here.  I was told personally by a psychologist that “People who follow your path always end up suffering problems, I know, I see them everyday!”   I felt sad for this man’s limited worldview. But that was what he said – and believe me, if I were not as strong in my own beliefs as I am I would have faltered.

As a counsellor I hope to be able to simply be there with my clients and “not to make decisions for clients but to let clients choose how their own values will guide their behaviors.” (Corey, 2001) 

 

One way that I propose Counsellors can do this is by learning more about different spiritualities and religions, yet taking on board the notion of not putting these into neat little boxes.  Many organizations have useful introductory literature to help counsellors to begin learning.

 

It is crucial that we recognize that the spiritual domain offers solace and comfort and that it can offer great sustaining power to a person in crisis.  The guilt, anger and sadness that clients experience often results from a misinterpretation of the spiritual and religious realm, which can lead to depression and a sense of worthlessness. (Corey, 2001).  A fair example here is the issue of sexuality (I choose this given that one does not choose their sexuality) – If you are gay, not many religions will “truly” accept you; rather, they might tolerate you but rarely truly embrace you. Even some who follow WICCA tend to “shun” under the guise of it being a “fertility cult” whereby male-female is the rule.  No wonder there is guilt, anger and sadness. These attitudes invariably will lead some to feelings of low self-esteem, loneliness and, if not healthily resolved, depression – possibly suicide.   No doubt, the same can relate to divorcees, those who may join more close-knit religious circles or those who leave the faith that may be a huge part of the family.  

 

There is often ‘a misrepresentation of the spiritual and religious realm’ as being placed on a person by another’s understanding, be it from an individual or group (family, for example), a cultural injunction or simply society. Here it again may require some research:

 

·        How does a Fundamentalist Christian feel if their partner or child dies an atheist? How do they square it in their own mind if they truly believe that person shall go to hell?    

·        If I am a Pagan, should my family give me a Christian burial?  Does my partner have a say in this? Or is it simply a case of being buried, with a Celtic legend of Death being read out?    

·        As a Moslem, am I right in sacrificing an animal when on pilgrimage (or Hajj)[4] even though I am a staunch animal activist?  Am I insulting Allah by not offering a sacrifice?  

·        Do I feel guilt when not following through on a given religious teaching even if that teaching is contrary to my most strongest-held belief?

·        Am I right in choosing my own interpretation of a given teaching?

·        If I accept reincarnation, then is it wrong for me to deny the channeled teachings of my psychic when he tells me I am where I am given my past-life?

·        My child dies because I put my faith in God that they would live.  Am I wrong in feeling guilt about this or, indeed, apathy? Because of this, my wife has left me, I have lost my faith in God because He did not save my child.  Was my faith misplaced?

·        My partner abuses me both physically and verbally.  As we are married I must stay in this relationship though it is destroying me.  How can I leave and still be true to my faith?

·        My husband hits the children with a switch as it is important that they receive discipline. Is this right? Is my husband doing the Will of God and by my submitting to my husband, am I being true to the Will of God?   

·        My son listens to ‘modern music’ which my Minister has told me is evil and of the Devil. Listening to my son’s records, I just don’t see it.  When I told my Minister how I felt he asked me to either ask my son to leave home or I was to leave the Church.  Where do my loyalties lie? If my son leaves, I’m alone; if my Church forces me out, I have not strong support network.

 

For a lot of clients who have experienced disaster or trauma, exploring issues with them surrounding grief and loss, anger, guilt, the concepts of good and evil, and forgiveness, can be a central part of the healing process (Hepworth, Rooney and Larsen, 2002).

 

Exploring such issues, though possibly anathema to some clients (an act of blasphemy), may assist them in coming to terms with whatever issue is affecting their life.     But to do so, I argue that counsellors need to have undertaken some deep soul-searching themselves on these various issues.   How can we deal with issues relating to a client’s anger at God if the client were to voice that “I hate and detest God with all my heart and wish Him no longer in my life,” all the while tears streaming down their face.   What if I felt their anger to be most blasphemous – surely my body language (if nothing else) would convey my discomfit at the client’s need to express their anger. Yet by dealing with these issues beforehand, I feel counsellors are in a far better position to remain person-centred and to allow such displays as a natural outpouring of the client’s grief.

 

A person says: - “I know that there is a lot of pain in my life and it’s killing me, but that surely is my Karma – who am I to think I should not hurt – I’ve hurt others in the past?”   This may be true, who really knows!   However, if its causing a person pain and disharmony, and therefore they can not function as a healthy human being, surely the issues put forth by this person or client, needs to be addressed.   I would ask them to tell me what they see as a goal and then to tell me about a time when this goal may have been felt or experienced in the past. This is a good technique to allow a person to see that life can be different for them, even given their current beliefs.

 

I remember reading somewhere that the Creator holds enough compassion to know an individual’s heart – something to remember sharing with a client who, while having feelings of anger towards God, also feels an overwhelming sense of guilt for harbouring such thoughts and emotions.

 

One counsellor writes: Corey (2001)   “In some ways a spiritual/religious perspective and a counseling perspective have similar goals. Both perspectives emphasize learning to accept oneself, forgiving others and oneself, admitting one’s shortcomings, accepting personal responsibility, letting go of hurts and resentments, dealing with guilt, and learning to let go of self-destructive patterns of thinking, feeling and acting….Because spiritual and therapeutic paths converge in some ways, integration is possible, and dealing with a client’s spirituality will often actually enhance the therapy process [italics mine].

 

A client who held on to a lot of hurt had its source in unexpressed anger – she was told that her pain in this life had its roots in a past life.   She was also told that she had no right to express feelings of hurt, grief at the loss of being sexually abused, or to show anger – Anger is ‘Negative’.  Listening to her story was difficult as I felt her pain and evident dissatisfaction with what was being told to her. In effect, here was a woman who had been coerced into giving away her right to make a choice and, by doing so, had lost the opportunity to take responsibility for where she was both emotionally and spiritually.

 

We first explored the issue from its ‘past life’ perspective, and agreed that it was not possible to explore the reality of what may or may not have occurred; we needed to look at what was occurring in her life NOW.   She was able to connect to the hurt that was experienced in her life as a child and later as a young adult – as such, she was able to express her grief by both voicing her feelings and by allowing the tears to flow, and by allowing her body to express its own pain.   Finally, we looked at her ‘unexpressed anger.’  I told her that she had every right to own her anger and to express it, explaining that unresolved anger can lead to more problems down the line.  As she was in a safe environment, she did express her anger. After a number of sessions she has grown as an individual and though losing her ‘Faith’ for a time, she eventually reconnected back to it – but with one difference. She was now in control of her Spiritual Life, Not others.

 

A lot of people tend to shy away from anger believing it to be a totally negative emotion; denying its positive role.

 

 

 

 

A quote by the Islamic author, Hamza Yusuf (2004), really throws a positive light on the issue on how one should envisage the emotion we call anger. The paragraph reads:

 

Scholars have likened anger to a hunting dog: without training, it will never retrieve what its owner needs nor will it point a person in the right direction. So anger is something that needs to be trained, not abolished, for if people completely suppressed their sense of anger, many of the injustices of the world would not have been opposed and tyranny would have gone unchecked. Without anger, people would go around with complete impunity [exemption for punishment] and commit heinous acts without any resistance from the people [the community].  Corruption would cover the face of the earth.

 

Following is a brief outline of some of the attributes that a Spiritual Care Giver / Counsellor should try to emulate in their counseling of clients who identify spiritual or religious needs, as given by two authors. It needs to be stated that where the term ‘God’ is employed, this is simply indicative of their own spiritual heritage yet does not detract from that which is meant to be conveyed.

 

·        Counselors need to allow clients to tell their stories. It is imperative that counselors communicate to the client a sense of being loved by God and that they are not responsible for what happened to them as a child.

·        Counselors give permission to clients to be angry, especially with God. Be nonjudgmental in allowing clients to explore spiritual issues. Counselors expressing unconditional acceptance may be a survivors only experience that demonstrates the possibility of God being able to love them in the same way.

·        Counselors help clients recognize that forgiveness is not simply an act but a process that can be begun and completed only after working through the issues concerned and their accompanying feelings. Do not try to rush this process by questioning their pace or suggesting forgiveness as the first step.

·        It is recommended that counselors use every avenue to give clients reassurance of their accountability before God and their place in God’s plan.

·        When appropriate, counselors celebrate, bless, and praise survivors’ rediscovery of a God of hope, a God of great comfort, and a God of great respect for them

             (McBride and Armstrong, cited in Topper, 2003 – slightly paraphrased)

 

Those who follow a Spiritual Path or Religion need to likewise recognize that people are, after all, people with strengths and vulnerabilities. We can all, at any time, and given the right conditions, experience problems that create disharmony. Without appropriate intervention, others can also be caught up in the person’s problems, such as family members, friends or work colleagues.

 

By simply being members of Humanity, we all experience emotional pain, grief and loss issues, depression and anxiety, disharmony with what our Path teaches us and how we may sometimes feel inside, or think about it.  We can all feel anger, fear, not being accepted by ‘the group,’ anxious about the future, both guilt and shame and so forth.  As such, no one should ever be made to feel that they are weak for wanting to go and talk to someone outside ‘the group.’ This is an important point that needs to be kept in mind.

 

An example may suffice here.  A Jehovah’s Witness may seek counseling as they battle with the question concerning blood transfusion and the fact that they may have a child who, without a blood transfusion, may die. The law can override them and order the blood transfusion – the child is ‘Saved,’ yet the parent may feel that the child is lost, in the context of their own faith. The member believes that the Soul is in the blood (Lev.17:11, and v.14: “For the soul of the flesh is in the blood…The soul of every sort of flesh is in its blood”), so God treats both the Life and Blood as Sacred in the eyes of a Jehovah’s Witness.  

 

But does this make it any easier for the parent? The parent may, as already indicated,  feel that the child is lost. One can ask them: ‘Do you really believe that Jehovah would want your child to die?’  A fair question but one that it loaded with a value judgment and a question that is asked in a ‘Directive’ way, for it seeks for a specific answer. This style of questioning is something that counsellors are taught to steer away from unless absolutely necessary.

 

The way that I believe is far more therapeutic and more respectful of a client would be for a Counsellor to reflect back to them how that person is feeling: ‘If I am hearing you correctly, this decision before you sounds really hard for you. Do you accept what Jehovah is telling you with that of being a parent? As we explore your dilemma, are there any bible verses or prayers that you may draw strength from during this difficult period?’  One could also enquire of the person how they may see ‘Jehovah!’  If as a Father, the reflection might be: ‘It sounds difficult for you to grasp the love of Jehovah as a Father with your own feelings a love for your child as her father.’     Being non-judgmental allows the client to work through his feelings as he builds up confidence in telling you his story and by simply having someone listen to him.

 

To reiterate, responding in this way makes no judgment as to what the client should do. Even if the counsellor doesn’t agree the client has a difficult choice – “What you are saying is, do I choose Jehovah or do I choose my child’s life?” the counsellor steps back and is there for their client.  It is important to realize that the parent, in this case, is the client; not the child, as difficult as this may be to accept.

 

Some may argue that the client could speak with their Bishop or another Jehovah’s Witness, but to approach the Bishop would be deemed to display a lack of faith. Another Jehovah’s Witness may not be in the client’s circle that the client trusts.    It’s a tough one, I know, but it highlights the difficulties that can present themselves.

 

What of the Counsellor’s or Confidant’s own concept of ‘The Truth,’  in relation to the person who may be perceived as having a problem and therefore  needs to be ‘Set Free.’

 

The best example for me is that of a Hare Krsna woman who was ‘kidnapped’ off the streets by a ‘Deprogrammer,[5]’  She was told that the Hare Krsna religion were false, was kept imprisoned for about three weeks, forced to listen to tapes that blasphemed her religion, Krsna and her Spiritual Master. She was subjected to both food and sleep deprivation. She was kept continually blindfolded. Eventually she was able to contact her husband (also a Hare Krsna) and was able to eventually return to the Temple.  She later made a sworn affidavit to the kidnapping and all that followed.   Her story originally appeared in ISKCON magazine, ‘Back To GodHead’ some years back.

 

Were those who sought to ‘deprogramme’ her right simply because they felt ‘Christianity’ was the only right way?  I would have to say that it was wrong and created much distress on this lady. What if she were a Theosophist, a Wiccan, a Spiritualist, a Buddhist, a Christadelphian, a Mormon, or a member of some other  ‘perceived’ cult?   I’ll leave that for you to ponder over.

 

I have attempted to highlight the need for counsellors to be open to a client’s spirituality, religion and/or faith. To deny that such is important for the person, is tantamount to ignoring them as an individual.  Even if we ourselves do not follow a spiritual path we must allow for others to have choice when it comes to the path they choose. If we cannot respect their right to this end, then I propose that we seriously must question our motivation for entering the profession in the first place.  Counsellors have an ethical obligation to continually undertake professional development so as to keep up-to-date and to better understand both future trends and their clients, this includes understanding about issues relating to both spirituality, religion, ethics and values.

 

This talk highlights too, I trust, a number of questions for possible reflection:

 

·        What is the counsellor’s own faith and spiritual prejudices?

·        Can a strong Christian-oriented counsellor work with clients of other faiths and more so

faiths they believe their own negates – Paganism, for one example?

·        How do counsellors grow in awareness of other faiths, spiritualities etc., and thus develop empathy with clients whose persuasion is of these faiths, spiritualities etc?

·        Can an atheist work with a client holding deeply-held beliefs which may be seen, by the counsellor, to rule the client’s life?    How does the atheist develop his empathy for such clients?

 

These are just some questions that I feel professional counsellors may need to muse upon in anticipation of their meeting with such clients.  By thinking about issues such as these now, we shall certainly both grow in ourselves and, I believe, be advantaged when meeting with clients who may fall into the category of holding to a Spiritual outlook on life. By knowing our own beliefs more in-depth, we can become empathic, avoiding collusion in the other’s problems and their world-view.

 

Again, the above comments also relate to those who are simply ‘Believers,’ as it were, and some of those issues that Counsellors need to be aware of, also apply.

 

So if ever you find yourself in a position of ‘confidant’ or in the counseling role, please remember that it is important to allow the person to express how they are feeling; not to downplay what you may hear, as a ‘lack of faith,’ a ‘weakness,’ or to give an ‘off-the-cuff’ response.  When one is hurting or confused, they need support, not a denial of what they may be experiencing.

 

I wish to conclude this paper on linking spirituality with counselling with the following quote that, for me, sums up best that which I have tried to convey in this talk.

 

“Indeed, as one comes to learn the true meaning of life, both in general terms and in relation to individual purpose, every thought, every action is recognized for the full responsibility it implies as a representative of its author. The realization, not only that everything has a purpose, but more significantly, that that purpose is the acceptance of a very special responsibility, [this] is a measure of true initiation into the secrets of the inner [spiritual] self” (Phillips, 1988)

 

This talk has only explored the tip of the iceberg but I hope that it has opened us all up to looking at problems that people may face – and which create that degree of disharmony which to brings them to counseling – in a way that may be new, if not innovative.

 

Thanking you kindly - Heathclyff

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

REFERENCE LIST

 

 

1. Attridge, C  (2000)   The Fruit of The Spirit, p.212  The Dawn Book Supply   UK   2^nd  Ed..
2. Cloud, H & Townsend, J (2003)  Making Small Groups Work,   Zondervan  USA
3. Conway, D.J  (1997)  Lord of Light & Shadow:  The Many Faces of The God,  Llewellyn  USA
4. Corey, G (2001)  Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy,  Brooks/Cole  USA  6^th Ed.
5. Corey, G., Corey M.S, & Callanan (1998)   Issues and Ethics in the Helping Professions, Brooks/Cole   USA     5^th Ed
6. Dalbey, G (2003)   Healing The Masculine Soul,  Chapter 7: Lost Among Men pp.92-112. W Publishing Group  USA   2^nd Ed.
7. Danesh, H.B. (1994)  The Psychology of Spirituality.     Nine Pines Publ. Canada
8. Diamond, J (1994)  The Warrior’s Journey Home: Healing Men, Healing The Planet,  New Harbinger Publications   USA
9. Drew, A. J  (1998)   Wicca For Men,   Citadel Press  USA
10. Farrar, J & Farrar, S (1984)  The Witches Bible Compleat,   Magickal Childe   USA
11. Geldard, D & Geldard, K (2003)  Basic Personal Counselling: A Training Manual for Counsellors, Prentice-Hall    Aust.   4^th Ed
12. Hankoff, I.D., Blumenthal, M & Borowick, A.E. (1977)  Jewish Ethno-Psychiatry,  Federation of Jewish Philanthropies  USA
13. Hepworth, D.H., Rooney, R.H & Larsen, J.A. (2002) Direct Social Work Practice: Theory and Skills,   Brooks/Cole  USA   6^th Ed.
14. Juliἁ, M.C. (1996) Multicultural Awareness in the Health Care Professions. p. 65  Allyn & Brown.
15. Koepcke, R & James Wilder, E  (1994)  ‘The Men’s Movement’,  Faith & Renewal, May/June 1994
16. Means, P. A. (2002)  Men’s Secret Wars,   Fleming H. Revell Publ. USA
17. Phillips, D.A. (1988)   New Dimensions in Health,  Angus & Robertson   Aust.  4^th Ed.
18. Sharf, R.S (2000)  Theories of Psychotherapy & Counseling,  Brooks/Cole USA 2^nd Ed.
19. Topper, C. (2003)  Spirituality in Pastoral Counseling and the  Community Helping Professions,  Haworth Pastoral Press   USA
20. Vedanta Kesari (1996)  Values: The Key To a Meaningful Life,  Sri Ramakrishna Math  India
21. Wilson, H.S. & Kneisl, C.R. (1983)  Psychiatric Nursing,   Addison-Wesley  USA  2^nd Ed.
22. Yusuf, H. (2004) Purification of the Heart.  Starlatch USA

 

 

 

 

 

HEALING INVOLVES THE FOLLOWING INTERELATED AREAS

 

SPIRITUAL WORK

·         Conversion and Transformation

·         Forgiveness/Inner Healing

·         Walking a New Path

·         Practicing the Presence of the ‘God of your heart.’

·         Living by the Truth of your Spiritual Path.

·         Allowing your Path to guide your into Newness of Life.

·         Practicing Humility, Meekness, and Mindfulness.

·         Learn to be a Peacemaker – with yourself, and with the world of nature.

COGNITIVE WORK – THINKING

·         Learning – Unlearning – Relearning

·         Finding out what your Path or Spiritual Teachers say about your situation.  This may include a Holy Text or Scripture: The Upanishads, Bhagavad-Gita, Bible, Qur’an  or books such as The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, Guide for the Solitary Wicca etc. Choose your own and attempt to emulate its teachings, paying attention to the Inner Voice within.

·         Renewing your thinking.

·         Replacing negative self-talk with Spiritual-talk (Words of Wisdom)

·         Rethinking faulty beliefs if, and when, they are uncovered. Be truthful about them.

·         Telling yourself the Truth – Be it about your situation, what you learn from the Spiritual Path or from exploring your thoughts.

·         Be Open to Change. Develop your Awareness and Imagination. Be Humble and Meek as you explore your new way of thinking.

EMOTIONAL WORK – FEELINGS

·         Allowing yourself to feel the feelings – as you become Aware of the feelings

·         Practice Emotional Honesty

·         Learning a vocabulary to express your feelings – Evocative Language or Writing.

·         Taking Responsibility for how you express your feelings.

·         Learning to express yourself through such mediums as: Dance, Body Movement (Yoga, etc), Journal Writing, Guided Imagery/Meditation, Listening to Music etc.

·         Learn to be a Peacemaker with yourself, practice Honesty and Courage. Learn to be Open and Explore, with Mercy for where you are at.

BEHAVIOURAL WORK

·         Taking Responsibility for your behaviour.

·         Structuring your life for behavioural change –  Taking on exercise for example.

·         Be responsible for doing the Right thing, making it  hard for you to do the wrong thing.

·         Change how you put off or put on things – Cognitive Awareness comes in here.

·         Seeking help and accountability through a Self-help/Support-group, or a trusted friend.

·         Learn to be a Peacemaker, practice Courage, a desire to Change and try taking ‘healthy’ risks – as opposed to ‘harmful’ risks.  Think about the possible consequences of your Risk-Taking.

 

 

 

 

 

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[1] Guilt is defined as how one feels within themself

 

[2] Shame is defined as how one feels their actions may impact on those around them, ‘bring shame on the family  In Arab American culture, if someone disgraces the family, the whole family shares the disgrace. (Juliἁ, 1996)

 

[3] For a woman that has a husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he lives but if he dies she is free to remarry under the law. To remarry while the first husband is alive is deemed to be adultery.   For my own part, if a person becomes a Christian and walks in ‘Newness of Life,’ are they not essentially ‘unwed,!

 

 

[4] There is no requirement on those not doing Hajj to sacrifice any animal, as is traditionally done.

 

[5] Deprogramming refers to a process that reverses alleged brainwashing. A small percentage of cult members leave their group or relationship by means of an exit counseling, an intervention similar to that done with someone who has a drug or alcohol abuse problem.

 

 

The above is the text of a lecture presented to the Theosophical Society - Pasadena in Melbourne in July 2010. The views expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of the Theosophical Society - Pasadena.